Making Lemonade ebook now available for under $4.00 – for single parents after divorce!
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Dating depends on the age and temperament of your child. Now the good thing news about sharing custody. The times that your child is with the other parent, you can date all you want. You can have someone sleep over. You can do whatever you want because you are single then. The times your child is with you, that’s the time you bond with your child, you’re a team then. You don’t really include anyone else. If you are maybe going to have a dinner date over with someone you really want to meet your child, you do it as a friend. Like a play date like your children do. You don”t do it as a lover. Its not good for the child to see their mother intimately with someone else.
Whats a good tip for dating another single parent?
I love dating another single parent. I think its really important. I think the best thing about dating another single parent is they know that your child is the most important thing, and if they don’t then you don’t want to date them. And that they know what the issues are. They know that the child comes first, they know that things come up and they understand the rules of dating as a single parent.
◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF
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We’ve all seen them…at the mall, on street corners and in movie theater lobbies. They exist in droves, in herds…never alone. We watch them flirt, laugh and hold hands; sometimes their ability to have fun frightens us.
But….did we ever think we’d be back in the dating game in tandem with our sons or daughters?
Teenagers are notorious for “knowing it all”, but upon observation and careful study I have learned a lot about dating from my teenage son. I always thought I would WOW him with words of wisdom and advice learned from my own files of experience. Little did I know that teenagers these days have the market on the social phenomenon of dating, on and offline.
As a single mother and nurturer by birth, I had often found myself wanting to change, heal or earn the love of the men I had begun a relationship with, a “lose-lose” paradigm. So, to gather more information, I watched and listened…sometimes in clandestine fashion, to my son and his friends. I noted that these modern day Romeos have a lot of insights and wisdom going on.
Being Basic: The importance of staying playful and open with a sense of innocence is the first thing I learned from my teenager. I notice that I have been taking myself WAY too seriously and needed to lighten up big time, especially in the land of dating.
Being Romantic: Romeo these days is instant messaging, text messaging, Facebooking and skyping his Juliet, to keep the “crush” alive.
Being Real: But what does my son and his friends have that men my age have lost…or never knew? We need to get back to being real, with no game playing to win an advantage.
Being Fearless: Teenagers today don’t see love through rose-colored John Lennon glasses. They are real and fearless in their expressions.
Being In The Moment: Younger daters don’t bring old baggage in on dates; they leave the heavy suitcases at baggage claim, and allow each day to be brand new.
I notice how much happier I am by following my young mentor’s example. I used to joke that my son gets more action than I do… until I stopped joking and started paying attention to what he could teach ME…. his baby booming – single mother.
As a single parent, we learn the old ways of doing “life” no longer work; we have to modify our BUDGET as it relates to money, time and energy. Where before we shared responsibilities and duties, NOW we become mother, father, cook, taxi driver, bargain shopper and baby sitter. We sometimes don’t get to greet ourselves until our children are asleep, and even then we are too tired to notice who we are when we look in the mirror. So what do we do?
How do we find time for ourselves – our relationship to US. You know the drill. The airlines use it…”Ladies and gentlemen, please place the mask over your mouth first and then on your children”. It’s the same old thing for us now. Until we take care of our needs, we’re no good to anyone else. If mommy and daddy aren’t happy….no one’s happy.
So first we need to find the time for ourselves within our time management budget. Then, we need to know the shortcuts in our time allotment – for the essentials, for shopping for helping with homework, and for schlepping to sports events and piano recitals. I’m a big believer in the Buddy System – so anyone on our single parenting ship (be sure it’s not the Titanic) can be our buddy as far as a “baby sitting club” (taking turns so everyone has a life) and co-op shopping (buying large and splitting the tenders) and just plain emotional support.
This helps us keep going and adds to our time management budget. It’s like having a life jacket in the shark infested post-divorce murky waters. We need the support. And, we deserve it after what we have been through! So pat yourself on the back and know you are not alone. Sometimes being creative is all it takes.
It becomes a formula of imaging the end result and then moving backward into the steps that get us there. It’s in the creative thinking and the addition of supportive groups (or a buddy system) that we find peace and a piece of our single parent sanity. Just knowing we are not alone and that others have walked this journey before us – leaving bread crumbs for us to follow makes us feel safe and secure in the knowing we can survive and prosper as a single parent!