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S.O.S. Call to Parents Of Teens!

I’m tired of giving myself a time out just to get away from my teenager’s moods…it’s time to take back the house, and our lives!

Single Parents love Making Lemonade – The Single Parent Network. THE website for single parents of ALL kinds!

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Dating Like A Teenager…………….

We’ve all seen them…at the mall, on street corners and in movie theater lobbies.  They exist in droves, in herds…never alone.  We watch them flirt, laugh and hold hands; sometimes their ability to have fun frightens us.

But….did we ever think we’d be back in the dating game in tandem with our sons or daughters?

Teenagers are notorious for “knowing it all”, but upon observation and careful study I have learned a lot about dating from my teenage son.  I always thought I would WOW him with words of wisdom and advice learned from my own files of experience. Little did I know that teenagers these days have the market on the social phenomenon of dating, on and offline.

As a single mother and nurturer by birth, I had often found myself wanting to change, heal or earn the love of the men I had begun a relationship with, a “lose-lose” paradigm.  So, to gather more information, I watched and listened…sometimes in clandestine fashion, to my son and his friends. I noted that these modern day Romeos have a lot of insights and wisdom going on.

Being Basic: The importance of staying playful and open with a sense of innocence is the first thing I learned from my teenager. I notice that I have been taking myself WAY too seriously and needed to lighten up big time, especially in the land of dating.

Being Romantic: Romeo these days is instant messaging, text messaging, Facebooking and skyping his Juliet, to keep the “crush” alive.

Being Real: But what does my son and his friends have that men my age have lost…or never knew? We need to get back to being real, with no game playing to win an advantage.

Being Fearless: Teenagers today don’t see love through rose-colored John Lennon glasses.  They are real and fearless in their expressions.

Being In The Moment: Younger daters don’t bring old baggage in on dates; they leave the heavy suitcases at baggage claim, and allow each day to be brand new.

I notice how much happier I am by following my young mentor’s example.  I used to joke that my son gets more action than I do… until I stopped joking and started paying attention to what he could teach ME…. his baby booming –  single mother.

The Teenager Challenge

Some of us remember very clearly what it was like to be a teenager; the hormones, the penetrating fears and desires, the need to be accepted by our peers and the growing pains. Add to the equation – being raised by a single parent and the divorce phenomenon and all that entails.

As single parents we are drawn to feeling our teenager’s pain and being ever aware of our lack of control and ability to share our wisdom without a gut-wrenching sigh or their famous eye-rolling techniques. We really have to draw from our memory of what it was like to be a hormone-sensitive teenager when we parent through these years. We no longer have a child to mold or a child to ‘boss around’.

We have our parent karma inherited from our parents…those words daunt us “may YOU have a child that treats YOU the way you treat me”. Those words have always created panic in us; it’s the curse that is passed down from parent child.

I love the idea of passing down my knowledge and state of being to my son, even though he isn’t quite wise enough yet to know it is his gift to the world. These teenage years are tough for parents – yet alone SINGLE parents. There is NO “wait till your father gets home” or “Your mother will deal with you about this”. All we have is the male and female within US…

What a hormonal challenge the life of a teenager is – and as parents — oh my god – give us strength. We’ve been there but the world is SO different now than it was when we were teens and there we are without a compass or a map! All I know to do is be there for our kids to make sure their wrong turns aren’t dangerous and that we don’t squash their creativity or dreams in the meantime.

We’re all teenagers at heart, some of us never grow out of it and others can’t wait to jump into adulthood and all the details therein. I believe it’s a time of growth, compassion, unconditional love and bonding if we can keep the lines of communication open so that our teenagers know they can come to us even in their dark night of the soul. And, it IS a lesson in patience, believe me!